What We Forget

When someone asks us a question about diapering or feeding or bedtime routines or whatever what we forget to preclude our answer with is this, "What works for our family is..."

So many times we all give our version of what works for us as the gospel. It's the be all, end all. And it is the only way.

I've been asked so many times by other new moms (most newer than me) lately about how I got Shelby to sleep through the night or which pediatrician I chose and why or when did we decide to start Shelby on solid food, that I often start my response by asking a question in return, "What have you tried to get Sarah to sleep?" "What pediatricians have you interviewed?" "What is most important to you in a doctor?" "Is your baby bottle fed or breast fed?" "Are you already supplementing or introducing cereal?"

I feel so bombarded by other mothers who in their infinite wisdom preach to me about how things should be done, that I hesitate to ever give advice when asked. For our family, parenting has been mostly about trial and error. We read the books, listen to everyone's multiple tips, and try things until something works. But most parents are too afraid to do this. They are afraid of offending someone whose advice they think is lunacy. They are afraid to trust their instincts. They are afraid to make mistakes. I don't have time for worrying that my way of bathing my daughter or what time I feed her offends someone. I'm way too busy being her mom.

And lately I've been too busy to listen to all the free advice that acquaintances, friends and complete strangers have been doling out. When a woman told me it was pure lunacy that taking the bottle away (as I was purchasing sippy cups), I responded, "Thank you, and I'm sorry I didn't catch your name, Dr?" She quickly backed off. I wasn't rude, I just pointed out she didn't need to be examining the contents of my grocery cart so closely. (Her three children were tearing boxes of cereal off the shelves and opening them while she was chastising me.) Maybe she let her kids drink from a bottle until they were two, great for her. But in our house, we're doing it cold turkey. We need to also remember not to dole out unsolicited advice.

For the record:
1) We got Shelby to sleep through the night through the often talked about but rarely used method of ferberizing.
2) We chose our first pediatrician after I had interviewed one of the doctors and he told me that he believed that parents know their children best. We chose our second pediatrician after the first practice, it quickly became apparent, was in the business of making money and being a business, rather than taking care of kids. The second practice had sick hours and more flexible scheduling for well child visits. That was in addition to their philosophy of parents know their children best!
3) We started Shelby on cereal at five months. She was exclusively breast fed to that point and we only introduced cereal because breast milk alone was not satisfying her. We started her on solids at six as that was a consensus age from the pediatrician and the books we had read and she had almost 4 teeth, so we figured she could handle it!