As some of my friends at work are experiencing disappointment about recent promotions that have not gone through, I thought here was a genuine disappointment. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all look back and laugh at our disappointments the way we laugh at Ralphie's?
Monday, March 26, 2007
As of this Friday
my parents will no longer own the house I grew up in. We moved there in 1983 when I was barely four. Now my parents are grandparents with 2, almost 3 children graduated from college and they are looking for another home. If everything goes as planned they will close on a new house at the end of April.
Despite memories, I have had no sad feelings about the sale of this house and another family moving in. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've lived away from that house for almost ten years now. Or maybe, like in the real estate commercials, I know you can take your memories with you.
I haven't been to see the house my parents hope to purchase (only pictures) and it was just this last weekend that I realized that I have no idea about where they are going to live. I was thinking about going to Raleigh at some point to visit (no specific dates were in my head Mom, I was just tossing around some ideas!) when I realized that I would have to learn a whole new way to get to where they will be living. That I will be traveling to a place that has no familiar landmarks. That I could conceivably never enter the city of Raleigh again. After all, there would be no reason to go to the Food Lion on Leesville Road if my parents don't live around the corner, we would go to another grocery store. And in ten years, I would have no recognition of the area I once considered home. I'm not sad, but it is very surreal. VERY surreal.
Despite memories, I have had no sad feelings about the sale of this house and another family moving in. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've lived away from that house for almost ten years now. Or maybe, like in the real estate commercials, I know you can take your memories with you.
I haven't been to see the house my parents hope to purchase (only pictures) and it was just this last weekend that I realized that I have no idea about where they are going to live. I was thinking about going to Raleigh at some point to visit (no specific dates were in my head Mom, I was just tossing around some ideas!) when I realized that I would have to learn a whole new way to get to where they will be living. That I will be traveling to a place that has no familiar landmarks. That I could conceivably never enter the city of Raleigh again. After all, there would be no reason to go to the Food Lion on Leesville Road if my parents don't live around the corner, we would go to another grocery store. And in ten years, I would have no recognition of the area I once considered home. I'm not sad, but it is very surreal. VERY surreal.
Remembering Again
Today I was thinking of my late friend MaryEllen. I had very much wanted to bring Shelby to Raleigh to meet her, but as her cancer was advancing last fall, it could not be set up. And so now, I know MaryEllen is looking down on us. I can hear her saying, "Stop worrying about me, I'm home! What are you feeding the baby? What are you feeding yourself for the the new baby? What exercises are you doing? Are you enjoying your pregnancy this time?"
While I was miserably ill during my pregnancy with Shelby, I have been relatively illness free with this baby. Shelby's Godfather, a priest, told me while I was pregnant that I could specifically offer up my morning sickness for those suffering from cancer and the side-effects of chemotherapy and radiation. I look back on that now and hope that my suffering might have eased MaryEllen's and so many men, women and children who had no relief from their illness. How strange it is now that I have no illness but no MaryEllen. I would sacrifice feeling well to have my friend back.
I know that it is not an accident that I am thinking of MaryEllen now. Last week, Elizabeth Edwards announced that her cancer had returned and is not curable but is "manageable." My heart aches as I think of her daughter Kate who lost her older brother in an accident and now could lose her mother before she gets married or has children of her own. And for her little ones Emma Claire and Jack who are watching their mother so bravely fight to see each of their milestones. I think of her husband John whom I know she urged to continue on his quest toward the presidency. Regardless of politics, my heart goes out to him. No matter what people say, I know it could not have been an easy decision. I have seen many interviews with John and Elizabeth Edwards and know they are a woman couple took the same vows that I and so many of us did, "for better or for worse; in sickness and in health." How we all hope and expect we will only have to live through better and health. And some of us will be challenged through for worse and in sickness. When I hear people like my own husband say how selfish he is and how selfish she is, I feel almost a rage thinking, "you have no idea what it is like to lose a child or face this illness. How dare you judge them for the choices they made together." John and Elizabeth Edwards launched his campaign for the US Senate in just the couple of years after losing their son Wade. And they are continuing John's campaign for president after learning of the return of Elizabeth's cancer.
I'll be honest, I won't be voting for John Edwards, at least, not at this point. But I am a compassionate human being. And it is now that I am experiencing exhaustion from being pregnant and having a child under one year that I am offering up that relative pain for all those suffering from cancer, both curable, treatable and not so. Elizabeth Edwards' announcement reminded me of the friend I lost so recently and how bravely she fought. It reminds me of how MaryEllen's fight was occasionally bookmarked by trips to Disney and the beach with her daughter Kayli. How adventures to the playground were wonderful removals from the daily regimen of pills and doctor visits. We all experience pain and suffering differently, MaryEllen wanted all her friends and family to largely continue living their lives. While we all prayed and worried and many of us visited, MaryEllen loved hearing of the mundane facts of our lives. Elizabeth Edwards standing by her husband as the announcement of her cancer was made and his continuing goal of the White House was pursued, urging her husband to continue reminded me of MaryEllen. The woman who stood beside you regardless of what she was suffering.
While I was miserably ill during my pregnancy with Shelby, I have been relatively illness free with this baby. Shelby's Godfather, a priest, told me while I was pregnant that I could specifically offer up my morning sickness for those suffering from cancer and the side-effects of chemotherapy and radiation. I look back on that now and hope that my suffering might have eased MaryEllen's and so many men, women and children who had no relief from their illness. How strange it is now that I have no illness but no MaryEllen. I would sacrifice feeling well to have my friend back.
I know that it is not an accident that I am thinking of MaryEllen now. Last week, Elizabeth Edwards announced that her cancer had returned and is not curable but is "manageable." My heart aches as I think of her daughter Kate who lost her older brother in an accident and now could lose her mother before she gets married or has children of her own. And for her little ones Emma Claire and Jack who are watching their mother so bravely fight to see each of their milestones. I think of her husband John whom I know she urged to continue on his quest toward the presidency. Regardless of politics, my heart goes out to him. No matter what people say, I know it could not have been an easy decision. I have seen many interviews with John and Elizabeth Edwards and know they are a woman couple took the same vows that I and so many of us did, "for better or for worse; in sickness and in health." How we all hope and expect we will only have to live through better and health. And some of us will be challenged through for worse and in sickness. When I hear people like my own husband say how selfish he is and how selfish she is, I feel almost a rage thinking, "you have no idea what it is like to lose a child or face this illness. How dare you judge them for the choices they made together." John and Elizabeth Edwards launched his campaign for the US Senate in just the couple of years after losing their son Wade. And they are continuing John's campaign for president after learning of the return of Elizabeth's cancer.
I'll be honest, I won't be voting for John Edwards, at least, not at this point. But I am a compassionate human being. And it is now that I am experiencing exhaustion from being pregnant and having a child under one year that I am offering up that relative pain for all those suffering from cancer, both curable, treatable and not so. Elizabeth Edwards' announcement reminded me of the friend I lost so recently and how bravely she fought. It reminds me of how MaryEllen's fight was occasionally bookmarked by trips to Disney and the beach with her daughter Kayli. How adventures to the playground were wonderful removals from the daily regimen of pills and doctor visits. We all experience pain and suffering differently, MaryEllen wanted all her friends and family to largely continue living their lives. While we all prayed and worried and many of us visited, MaryEllen loved hearing of the mundane facts of our lives. Elizabeth Edwards standing by her husband as the announcement of her cancer was made and his continuing goal of the White House was pursued, urging her husband to continue reminded me of MaryEllen. The woman who stood beside you regardless of what she was suffering.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
With St Patrick's Day Coming I Couldn't Resist
My Irish Name:
Jeff's Irish Name:
and Shelby's Irish Name:
No fair, I like Shelby's best!
| Your Irish Name Is... |
 |
Jeff's Irish Name:
| Your Irish Name Is... |
|
and Shelby's Irish Name:
| Your Irish Name Is... |
|
No fair, I like Shelby's best!
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Moving Toward a Milestone
When I was pregnant with Shelby, I anxiously awaited my 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage had taught me this was a milestone. A major one. I was no less apprehensive after 12 weeks and I approached each visit with my ob and ultrasound with some degree of trepidation. This pregnancy has little exception. I go for a 12 week check up this week. I have had no unusual symptoms and am sure everything will be fine. But I still have nerves. We plan on bringing Shelby so she can hear the baby's heartbeat. Not that she'll understand what she is hearing, but it will help us to make her feel involved.
With this pregnancy, with Shelby already here, I am very tired as to be expected and find myself with little time for all the worries I cultivated with Shelby.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the maternal fetal specialist for an ultrasound and counseling. Everything went fine. Of course, I had to sign about 30 forms declining all genetic testing on myself, Jeff and the baby and sign that I was fully aware of what I was declining. We declined this testing with Shelby as well. We read the literature. We consulted friends and family and we prayed. The answer was obvious, any child would be a gift. All we could hope for was to be the best family for the child we were given. We are not wearing rose colored glasses and we are aware this baby might have any number of challenges. But it is in accepting what God has given that we are challenged ourselves to use the gifts we have received.
With this pregnancy, with Shelby already here, I am very tired as to be expected and find myself with little time for all the worries I cultivated with Shelby.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the maternal fetal specialist for an ultrasound and counseling. Everything went fine. Of course, I had to sign about 30 forms declining all genetic testing on myself, Jeff and the baby and sign that I was fully aware of what I was declining. We declined this testing with Shelby as well. We read the literature. We consulted friends and family and we prayed. The answer was obvious, any child would be a gift. All we could hope for was to be the best family for the child we were given. We are not wearing rose colored glasses and we are aware this baby might have any number of challenges. But it is in accepting what God has given that we are challenged ourselves to use the gifts we have received.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
"God Will Not Test You..."
"God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
I was reminded of this on Friday as I had (like Alexander in the book) a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. It started early with weather that was less than desirable. I had to leave early to ensure I wasn't snarled in any weather related accidents. The wind pushed my little car as I crossed the river on the big draw bridge. I said a prayer for the teenagers killed in Alabama the day before, knowing they never stood a chance.
I got to work and the day started pretty much like any other. Plenty of grumpy customers who feel like their cell phone woes are worse than anything anyone else in the world is going through. At 8, I went on break. I went downstairs to get a chicken biscuit, but they were all out, so I settled on a blueberry muffin. As I went back upstairs, the power went off in the building. We have a back-up generator, so I was none too worried.
I got back up stairs to find that only one side of the building had power restored by the generator. The side I don't sit on. So, our whole team was told to move as few of our things as we could get by with to the empty desks on the other side of the floor. That's great and all, but what happens when the people those desks belong to come in? As soon as we were settled, power returned to our side. So, it was on the move again. I was scheduled for an online training, which I was stuck on a call and missed. I was rescheduled, logged in late, and then could not access the training. On top of all this, the computer at my desk, had power, but would not log on. So, I moved to a co-workers seat across from mine who was taking a few days vacation as his family was visiting from Jersey.
One after another, my customers screamed, raged and were grossly insenstive about their cell phone issues. I patiently explained solutions to various problems all the while praying for more patience as it was already wearing thin. The day was rough for others too. My supervisor said "Thank you God for comp time!" and took off a few hours early.
I made it through the rest of my day, leaving at 2:30 to go get Shelby at daycare. As I meandered through traffic to get to daycare listening to classical music, it hit me. I wasn't bitter or crying or upset. My pregnancy hormones were in check the whole day. I wasn't being hunted down like an animal in Darfur, I'm not dodging bullets in Iraq, I'm not hungry or thirsty or imprisoned. Without thinking of it, I had been offering up my problems of the day. After all, many of the ill people I had spoken to had bigger problems in their lives that were only being expressed through their interaction with me. I could leave their problems at work at the end of my day and go hold my beautiful baby girl. As for those suffering in the world at large, I could close the newspaper or change the channel. Something I know they wish they could do. At a red light I quietly said a prayer for those suffering, in pain, dying, experiencing war, or hunger, or imprisonment.
"Lord, I know my load is light in comparison to so many in the world, but I offer this light load so that someone else may feel the relief that comes from your love and presence in his or her life."
I was reminded of this on Friday as I had (like Alexander in the book) a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. It started early with weather that was less than desirable. I had to leave early to ensure I wasn't snarled in any weather related accidents. The wind pushed my little car as I crossed the river on the big draw bridge. I said a prayer for the teenagers killed in Alabama the day before, knowing they never stood a chance.
I got to work and the day started pretty much like any other. Plenty of grumpy customers who feel like their cell phone woes are worse than anything anyone else in the world is going through. At 8, I went on break. I went downstairs to get a chicken biscuit, but they were all out, so I settled on a blueberry muffin. As I went back upstairs, the power went off in the building. We have a back-up generator, so I was none too worried.
I got back up stairs to find that only one side of the building had power restored by the generator. The side I don't sit on. So, our whole team was told to move as few of our things as we could get by with to the empty desks on the other side of the floor. That's great and all, but what happens when the people those desks belong to come in? As soon as we were settled, power returned to our side. So, it was on the move again. I was scheduled for an online training, which I was stuck on a call and missed. I was rescheduled, logged in late, and then could not access the training. On top of all this, the computer at my desk, had power, but would not log on. So, I moved to a co-workers seat across from mine who was taking a few days vacation as his family was visiting from Jersey.
One after another, my customers screamed, raged and were grossly insenstive about their cell phone issues. I patiently explained solutions to various problems all the while praying for more patience as it was already wearing thin. The day was rough for others too. My supervisor said "Thank you God for comp time!" and took off a few hours early.
I made it through the rest of my day, leaving at 2:30 to go get Shelby at daycare. As I meandered through traffic to get to daycare listening to classical music, it hit me. I wasn't bitter or crying or upset. My pregnancy hormones were in check the whole day. I wasn't being hunted down like an animal in Darfur, I'm not dodging bullets in Iraq, I'm not hungry or thirsty or imprisoned. Without thinking of it, I had been offering up my problems of the day. After all, many of the ill people I had spoken to had bigger problems in their lives that were only being expressed through their interaction with me. I could leave their problems at work at the end of my day and go hold my beautiful baby girl. As for those suffering in the world at large, I could close the newspaper or change the channel. Something I know they wish they could do. At a red light I quietly said a prayer for those suffering, in pain, dying, experiencing war, or hunger, or imprisonment.
"Lord, I know my load is light in comparison to so many in the world, but I offer this light load so that someone else may feel the relief that comes from your love and presence in his or her life."
Hahaha
Sometimes you just have to be reminded of simple things to smile or laugh. This little guy is certainly proof that God is good.
In Case, Just In Case, You Haven't Heard
Yes, I have been busy lately. So I am sorry my posts have been sporadic at best. But we do have some exciting news at our house. Baby Herrett # 2 will be here sometime around September 26, 2007. Unlike the Balducci family, this time we will be finding out the sex of this baby. We loved not knowing with Shelby, but we have a few logistical kinks with our house we have to figure out before the baby gets here. The consensus is we are getting another girl, but we'll find out in a few more weeks. I am almost eleven weeks now. Not showing, but feeling this pregnancy.
For those familiar with my pregnancy with Shelby, here is a run down of what's the same and what's changed:
1) Morning Sickness: not the same wretching I had with Shelby just mild nausea.
2) Food: I had major food aversions with Shelby, this baby is hungry ALL THE TIME!!!
3) Headaches: thus far, I have been spared with this pregnancy.
4) Heprin shots: they're baaaaaaacckkkk!!!!!!!!
5) Gestational Diabetes: although it's questionable if I ever had it the first time, I was advised to go on the diet. I do this more or less successfully. Lots of fruit in the diet now.
6) Fatigue: unbearable with an eight-month-old to chase down.
I consider myself lucky to be doing as well as I am for still nursing an eight-month-old. Amazingly, my milk has actually increased a little. We are busy, busy teaching Shelby to crawl, keeping the dogs in line and prepping for this little one.
So, if I don't get back to you right away or post, you're not far from my thoughts!
For those familiar with my pregnancy with Shelby, here is a run down of what's the same and what's changed:
1) Morning Sickness: not the same wretching I had with Shelby just mild nausea.
2) Food: I had major food aversions with Shelby, this baby is hungry ALL THE TIME!!!
3) Headaches: thus far, I have been spared with this pregnancy.
4) Heprin shots: they're baaaaaaacckkkk!!!!!!!!
5) Gestational Diabetes: although it's questionable if I ever had it the first time, I was advised to go on the diet. I do this more or less successfully. Lots of fruit in the diet now.
6) Fatigue: unbearable with an eight-month-old to chase down.
I consider myself lucky to be doing as well as I am for still nursing an eight-month-old. Amazingly, my milk has actually increased a little. We are busy, busy teaching Shelby to crawl, keeping the dogs in line and prepping for this little one.
So, if I don't get back to you right away or post, you're not far from my thoughts!
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