Trepidation

I am going back to work tomorrow.
God help me!

In light of things around our house...

it seems to be frivolous to be thankful for some things. With our cousin not being in good health, we can feel foolish for being thankful for all but the most profound things (our children, our health, our relative security, etc), but in the spirit of trying to have a little distraction, here are some things I am thankful for that are not dramatic at all.

1. The Browns having a winning season. (It's been a loonnng time!)
2. Rainbow Flip Flops
3. Easy casserole recipes
4. Chocolate chip/M&M cookies
5. Tiki Barber on the Today Show
6. Run's House on MTV
7. Hospital food that is yummy and healthy
8. Wireless Internet
9. Smiley Fries
10. Warm cups of hot chocolate.

Scary

Please pray for our family. One of our cousins is ill and we are in search of a miracle if it is God's will.

Okay

The Gym Sox won the World Series (yes, as in stinky, disgusting, keep those away from me Gym Sox). I was going with the Rockies all the way, but I saw the writing on the wall after Game 1. So, as I said after the Sox won their last World Series, quit your whining New England! You got a win.

Funny, Hysterically Funny

A friend of mine was recently upset when a charitable organization refused her donation of clothes because they were not "stylish" enough. They are in perfect condition, but out of style. The less fortunate must be in style. She was able to find another group that found nothing wrong with these clothes.

This is a story about charity. Accepting charity. And being selective about accepting charity. It is very unfortunate that many people cannot be grateful. It is even sadder because many of the more fortunate are less likely to share their fortune if they feel it is not appreciated or wanted.

I understand my friends feelings. I was contemplating donating my hair to a well known charity that makes wigs for children going through chemotherapy. Then I found out my hair is unusable. Long as it is, it's not long enough. Oh well. I guess it will have to be used for birds nests again...

Welcome!

On September 21, 2007, we welcomed our newest family member, Joseph Patrick. Baby Joey weighed 7 lbs 14 oz and was 19 3/4 inches long. He is a little angel bringing love and joy to our whole family.

Don't Stop Believing

That was the song that was chosen to close out the Sopranos final season.

It's a great song.

I think it fits well with our mentality in this home about the Cleveland Browns. And in my parents house for my dad about the Oakland Raiders, who, incidentally, are playing the Browns this Sunday. Oh, the humanity! My father will be in town to see the baby with my mom and they will be the primary care-takers for Shelby. I don't know if the game will be on or not, and I don't know if I should want it to be on or not. Oh well. Good thing I don't have to make those decisions!

In other news, our AC is fixed. It was a simple solution and only cost us labor.

And speaking of labor....

Not to be gross, but my mucus plug is slowly making it's way out. I guess this is a good sign, although the doctor told me it is actually NOT a good predictor of labor or how soon a baby will be coming. And I really don't want to go into labor again and would prefer the baby come on Friday when I know my parent will be here. So I'm glad it's not a good predictor.

Please pray for little Shelby who, with this sudden change in weather, has come down with a nasty cold. She has been in good spirits and has been relatively tolerant of having her nose wiped. Now we just have to sneak her in to see her brother all weekend with no one finding out she might be feeling less than perky.

And please pray for our dog Gilligan who has been showing some age-related signs of stiffness and joint pain. He has been hesitant to jump up on furniture or the bed (you'd think I'd be rejoicing) because of some, what seem to be mild, pains. Hopefully a visit from his "uncle" Cabo will help him feel like a puppy again.

This says it ALL

Browns: 51

Bengals: 45


CLEVELAND ROCKS!

Our best wishes to Charlie Frye as he moves onto Seattle. Thank you for your service to the Browns.

One of "those" weeks

Do you ever just feel like you're going along and minding your own business and things are going reasonably well, just for, boom, something major to happen?

No, the baby isn't here yet.

Our AC died.

Yesterday.

And it could be a lot worse, we are finally starting to see some of that fall weather I was pining for, so it's been okay to be indoors. With the windows open, of course.

Just couldn't think of a weirder time for it to happen....

Wishing For Fall

I wish we could hurry up and see some leaves changing and cooler temps. We are half-way through September and it is still 90 degrees most days!

Being this pregnant, I can't take any walks outside or keep Shelby out very long either. I am keeping my fingers crossed that, just like after Shelby's birth, there will be a snap of mild weather in the area. One more week!

The Heart Rate is Back to Normal

The Browns lost in a stunning season opener yesterday to...you guessed it, the Steelers. 34-7. At least it wasn't a shut out. We went through 2 quarterbacks. And we had a lot of interceptions. But our family is looking on the bright side: we actually got to see the game! Being that we are way out of market, we expected not to get to see the game, and it said in the paper we wouldn't. But, we also get a second CBS affiliate out of Myrtle Beach, so sometimes, if you just wish hard enough, you might get a surprise!

And, the week was not a total loss... Rutgers got their second victory of the season!!!! The Scarlet Knights are on their way to showing there is a reason the first college football game was theirs!

And our Badgers out in Wisconsin won as well and are ranked a very respectable #7 still.

So, we continue to cheer our teams through good, bad and indifferent. Hope your team did well this week!

From Today's Communion Antiphon

"O Lord, how great is the depth of the kindness which you have shown to those who love you."
~Psalm 30:20

Be Still My Beating Heart

The Browns won their first preseason game this weekend...maybe a sign of a good season to come?

Are You Ready for Some Football

We are and the preseason is starting!

Congratulations to Gene Hickerson on his induction into the Hall of Fame!

Go Browns!

Nesting

Our house stinks like bleach.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Jeff's birthday... last Wednesday the 1st... was a success. He liked all his presents and we enjoyed a dinner out at Arby's. He and Shelby also enjoyed swimming at the beach and found some ducks to play with. Shelby's daycare teachers also helped her to make a card for Daddy, which we will treasure always. We had a great, although somewhat exhausting day and are getting ready for our next big one.... September 21 when baby brother joins us!

You have to promise not to tell....

but this Wednesday, for his 45th birthday, Jeff is getting this. This is a surprise for him, he asked for some 80's compilation cds, which he got 3 because they were reasonably priced (read: under $10 each) and they aren't the greatest collections (but they were the only 3 we found between Wal-Mart and Target). There is another surprise as well. Click here only if you are allowed to watch rated R movies. He saw the edited version on tv and laughed so hard, I had to get him the real thing when it was ridiculously low priced at Target!

He and Shelby have a beach date that day as well, which I probably won't be able to join because by the time I get off work, there will most likely be thunderstorms, so they will go earlier.

But the look on his face when he sees those surprises will be worth it!

We love you Daddy!

The Jewels We Spew

Overheard at work:

Co-worker: There should be a law against being ignorant.

Supervisor: But our jails aren't equipt to hold that many people!

Me (amongst laughter of several other co-workers): And think of how astronomical our taxes would be paying for all of those people to be housed and eat!

Love At First Sight

One year ago, this chubby cheeked little girl came into our lives. And we have been madly in love ever since.

Happy First Birthday Shelby Clare!

Born of the 4th of July....

Everyone wanted Shelby to be born July 4th. How fun it would be to have a baby with a holiday birthday people thought.

It wasn't going to happen. It just couldn't happen. We could not allow it to happen.

Here's why:
Jeff worked at Bald Head Island. The only way on or off the island is by ferry once an hour. Then there would be a 40 minute drive (not counting horrible traffic for the holiday through Southport, home of the NC 4th of July festival) to our home then another 20 or so minutes to the hospital. If I spontaneously went into labor, I was calling 911.

Then there was the issue of Shelby being breech. Little did we know at the time but my previous uterine surgery would cause me to dilate fast and go immediately into active labor. When my water did break, I started contractions immediately that were three minutes long and two minutes apart. This is when they have you start practice pushing sometimes. In the hour and 1/2 that it took after my water broke to having her out, I was almost completely dilated on my own. Thank God my doctor didn't have to battle holiday traffic to do a c-section.

This was so not an option. So thank God my water broke at 11 pm on July 5 when Jeff was home and their was no traffic.

No, Shelby wasn't born on the 4th of July, but it was just as good!

What We Forget

When someone asks us a question about diapering or feeding or bedtime routines or whatever what we forget to preclude our answer with is this, "What works for our family is..."

So many times we all give our version of what works for us as the gospel. It's the be all, end all. And it is the only way.

I've been asked so many times by other new moms (most newer than me) lately about how I got Shelby to sleep through the night or which pediatrician I chose and why or when did we decide to start Shelby on solid food, that I often start my response by asking a question in return, "What have you tried to get Sarah to sleep?" "What pediatricians have you interviewed?" "What is most important to you in a doctor?" "Is your baby bottle fed or breast fed?" "Are you already supplementing or introducing cereal?"

I feel so bombarded by other mothers who in their infinite wisdom preach to me about how things should be done, that I hesitate to ever give advice when asked. For our family, parenting has been mostly about trial and error. We read the books, listen to everyone's multiple tips, and try things until something works. But most parents are too afraid to do this. They are afraid of offending someone whose advice they think is lunacy. They are afraid to trust their instincts. They are afraid to make mistakes. I don't have time for worrying that my way of bathing my daughter or what time I feed her offends someone. I'm way too busy being her mom.

And lately I've been too busy to listen to all the free advice that acquaintances, friends and complete strangers have been doling out. When a woman told me it was pure lunacy that taking the bottle away (as I was purchasing sippy cups), I responded, "Thank you, and I'm sorry I didn't catch your name, Dr?" She quickly backed off. I wasn't rude, I just pointed out she didn't need to be examining the contents of my grocery cart so closely. (Her three children were tearing boxes of cereal off the shelves and opening them while she was chastising me.) Maybe she let her kids drink from a bottle until they were two, great for her. But in our house, we're doing it cold turkey. We need to also remember not to dole out unsolicited advice.

For the record:
1) We got Shelby to sleep through the night through the often talked about but rarely used method of ferberizing.
2) We chose our first pediatrician after I had interviewed one of the doctors and he told me that he believed that parents know their children best. We chose our second pediatrician after the first practice, it quickly became apparent, was in the business of making money and being a business, rather than taking care of kids. The second practice had sick hours and more flexible scheduling for well child visits. That was in addition to their philosophy of parents know their children best!
3) We started Shelby on cereal at five months. She was exclusively breast fed to that point and we only introduced cereal because breast milk alone was not satisfying her. We started her on solids at six as that was a consensus age from the pediatrician and the books we had read and she had almost 4 teeth, so we figured she could handle it!

Mama Mia

No one ever told me how wonderful it is to nearly collapse into bed with your husband, almost one-year-old and baby almost seven months cooked and fall asleep exhausted.

All For Love

Last year, after Shelby was born, we bought her a blanket especially for daycare. It is a thermal waffle blanket with a pink silk edge. My brothers and I all had ones like it when we were infants. A few months later, seeing as how she loves her blanket at daycare, I went back to the major department store I purchased it from (for about $15) and they no longer carried this design of blanket. I checked other major department stores. I even had a friend check Wal-Mart. No luck. Shelby now sleeps with this blanket at home and at daycare. Only one time did it have to be left at daycare (when she spit up on it about 15 minutes before I came to pick her up and it was in the laundry). Twice now, it has been forgotton at home.

I still sleep with a special blanket, so I'm not about to let her go without. So today, I bit the bullet and went to e-bay. I paid (including shipping) about $45 for another one. That's 3x what the original cost.

Now I have a real dilemma though, this retailer at ebay has blue blankets of the same design. I decided against a purchase today. I will show Jeff when he gets home. If Shelby didn't love hers so much this would be so much easier. But how can I deny her brother something like this? I know he can have other blankets. But we tried other blankets and she never took to them, what happens if he's the same?

So I have a Question

I bought a maternity bathing suit today. The first one I've ever owned. Yes I was pregnant last summer, but I was only pregnant for a month of it, so I couldn't justify the cost. Being that I am going to be pregnant the whole hot summer long and we have an almost one-year-old who is going into the water this year, I decided to go for one.

It fits well and the thing with bathing suits is that the do a bit of stretching, but by the tail end of the summer, my belly might show a bit under it. I really don't care. After all, people go out on the beach all the time in all manner of bathing suits that they shouldn't. I've seen way too many women's bellies that were bigger than mine that were not pregnant. And a man, any man, in a speedo is obscene (there really is no fashion mistake a woman could make that would EVER rival the speedo).

So, here's my question, if a tiny bit of my pregnant belly is showing under this suit by the end of summer, am I now indecent?

Father's Day 2007

For Father's Day this year, Shelby and her brother each got their Daddy a card. Shelby's had a crown for Daddy. Her brother's had a picture of a St Bernard. We made Daddy bacon and eggs for breakfast (well, Mommy made those, Shelby supervised). Shelby gave Daddy a hand print and foot print in a frame. She was very good about sticking her hand and foot on the ink pad. Then we took Daddy out for dinner at McDonald's (his choice). Where Shelby and Daddy fought over how much food she could put in her mouth at one time. (She thought she should be able to put more in than Daddy was letting her, then she got mad when he separated her from her food and tried to move his arm out of the way.) We were tired at the end of the day, but very happy to have had a great father's day!

The Next Entry

11 Things That Are Fun To Do When You Are 11 Months Old
By Shelby Clare Herrett

1) Walk- this beats crawling and just standing by a long shot. I’m not quite walking yet, my best friend London is though and we are working on it!
2) Eat real food- the best is chicken!
3) Read books- my favorite is The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. It is also President Bush’s favorite. President Bush and I have the same birthday too.
4) Talk- my favorite word is “mama” but I use it to call my mama and daddy. But people talk back to you! London and I talk to each other in our cribs at daycare.
5) Love on dogs- sometimes Charlie will let me pet his paws. They are very soft. Gilligan let me lie on him one time and pet him.
6) Laughing- grown-ups, dogs and lots of things are funny and when you laugh it makes people smile.
7) Going to the beach- especially on a rainy day cause there are lots of shells to look at and surfers in the water.
8) Taking a bath- splashing is fun.
9) Talk to your brother- if he is inside your mama’s belly you can put your face real close and talk and sing. Sometimes he kicks and your mama lets you put your hand on her belly and feel it.
10) Make a spectacle of yourself- you can do this whenever your mama or daddy takes you out in public by yelling, singing, laughing and trying to make the shopping cart move. People say things like that you are so cute.
11) Making friends- other babies are a good place to start. London is one week older than me and we love to play at daycare. I am making other friends too like Connor, who is two months younger than me. Friends are very nice to you when you are having a bad day or not feeling well. They also laugh at all of your jokes.

Smiling

I got an email recently from one of Shelby's grandmothers saying that Shelby needs to smile more in her pictures. Being that this grandmother is on Shelby's Daddy's side of the family, I decided to show it to him.

His response: She's a good one to talk about smiling in pictures!

Shelby smiles, A LOT! Not always for the camera, but when a dog does something that she finds funny, when she sees something on tv that interests her and when she sees her Daddy. And to be honest, when you look at pictures of Shelby's Daddy and his mother, they don't smile. I try, but my face is crooked, so sometimes my smile looks a little off or like I am wincing. And when you think about it, smiling on cue is usually very fake anyhow. So, I didn't take this personally. The best smiles are live in person anyhow.

10 Things I Have Learned Now That I Am 10 Months Old by Shelby C. Herrett

1) I like to take tape off of things. I learned this while removing the tape label from one of my bottles.

2) Disposable diapers are fastened with tape. So you can undo the tape and remove your own poopy diaper. If you manage not to make a mess, your mama will find this amusing.

3) Standing up is much better than crawling or sitting because you can see more.

4) There is this museum piece under our television called a VCR. It has a mouth that you can stick your hand in.

5) If you stick your hand in the vcr's mouth, your mother and father will come running and yelling and make you take your hand out. Then your father will put a big piece of shiny tape called duct tape over the vcr's mouth.

6) Duct tape is stronger than diaper tape.

7) Sometimes, when you get to be ten-months-old, you have to change classes at daycare. This can be very frustrating if you love your teacher very much. I love Ms. Diane very much, but now I have to go to Ms. Nancy's class. I like Ms.Nancy better now than before. I had to get used to her first. I think I will love her very much too.

8) Dogs like crackers very much.

9) You can trick a dog into letting you pet it if you give it some of your cracker.

10) Mommies and Daddies don't like it when you give the dog some of your cracker.

Don't Forget

No, this is not my son (name still to be determined) and no, it's not Shelby either. But a beautiful image, just as all children are beautiful images of God's love

Hypocrisy

I'm going to see how far I can go with this without naming names because I really don't want to get sued for anything.

A model who is not a supermodel, but a mother, whom I previously admired for her values, well, she made a choice I just can't endorse.

This woman is my age and lives in Queens and is the mother of two girls. She is also an actress and lists her talents as being a baby wrangler. She is Mormon and somewhat traditionally so. I had seen her on a television show that will also remain nameless that spotlights pregnant models. You might have seen it if you have the cable tier just below the package with all the HBO and Starz channels.

This woman, on the show and in other mediums I have seen has always endorsed motherhood and even been inspiring by saying she always starts her day with family prayer and scripture reading and telling herself she is the supermom. She also, as a model, is a working mother and has spoken out about too many parents working too many hours in America.

Recently, on her blog (which I won't link to here) she has shown an add to prevent partial birth abortion in which her image and her young daughter's are shown. Good for her! A real young woman standing up for this atrocity.

But another post shows she is the new poster girl for Nuvaring contraceptive. Wha-what?

It has always bothered me that there are women who claim to be very vocally pro-life are quick to endorse the other industry of death known as the contraceptive pharmaceutical industry. Preventing a life through artificial means is the same denial of life in God's world as saying that an unborn child is a mass of cells.

Not only is she the poster girl for the product, but she is excitedly so claiming that she wanted to use a clipboard promoting the product at one of her Sunday school classes for women (sorry, not being Mormon myself I don't know what the technical term is for these classes, so I'm using the common Protestant terminology used by many of my friends) to sign in on as both an endorsement of her and the product. So now she's bringing this hypocrisy to church.

I don't claim to know what any faith other than Catholicism teaches about the culture of life, but it sickens me how some members both of the Catholic faith and others can deny the horrible truthes of artificial birth control.

And I cannot even stomach any longer the argument that it might be beneficial to a woman's health. I could have died from usage of hormonal birth control that I was put on to control bleeding and cramping that was excessive. My doctor did not bother testing me for a common blood clotting disorder that I did in fact have. One of the factors that can cause my blood to abnormally clot is heightened estrogen levels commonly found in birth control pills. (It also happens in pregnancy, but is controlled with my heparin shots.)

When will we not just praise NFP but actually take a stand against these manufacturers? Let's at least try to live up to the true meaning of pro-life in all its respects and remember to be pro-life means also to be open to new life.

WARNING: Indignant Pregnant Woman Rant Ahead!

Being pregnant is a wonderful thing. It makes you glow and there is nothing quite like feeling that little grain of rice morph into a little human who is kicking your insides. You get to pick out names and buy cute clothes (for you and the baby). And best of all, you know at the end there will be a little human being that is half of you and half of the one you love.

Unfortunately there are some downsides to being pregnant. Aside from some of the unfortunate physical symptoms (easily passed over with the knowledge that many of them mean your baby is healthy) and the general uncomfortableness of having to pee every 2 seconds while being hungry and not being able to breathe (also easy to get over as you are aware this is not a permanent condition) there is, in my humble opinion, the biggest pitfall--other people's opinions.

Nothing like having a baby will elicit opinions from friends, family or complete strangers. And they range from what colors to paint your nursery to cloth or disposable diapers. There is your choice of practioner to deciding whether to return to work.

The one that has me going lately is the type of birth you had. With Shelby, I had a c-section with no regrets. Shelby was a breech baby who, due to surgery I had to my uterus in order to preserve my pregnancy, could not be turned. She was a very dangerous frank breech baby which basically means her butt was coming down first. Her head was too large to pass through my cervix from the neck down meaning she would have gotten stuck. We both would have most-likely died had I been so stubborn and selfish as to demand that I have a "natural" vaginal childbirth in the breech position. I was presented with all options and scientific evidence and concluded the health of my child was much more important and I would do my child no favors by dying in child birth even if she made it. I was always confident in my decision that carrying my child and loving her made me a mother and woman, not delivering her a certain way.


If I had any doubts about what I was doing, a friend shut those down by telling me of the traumatic birth of her first son. A large baby and her failure to progress after over 48 hours of labor past six cm forced her to give up her dream of "natural" childbirth and into a c-section. As she ws prepped and waiting for the procedure to begin, her tears began to flow for what she perceived to be a loss. A kind nurse anesthestist took her hand and asked her if she knew what they called women who had c-sections. My friend, threw her tears, asked what. "We call them moms," the NA replied. I knew then I had made the right decision for me.

Regardless, many people still questioned me. Did I see a midwife to confirm what my OB said? (No need. No midwives will see me as I am a high-risk pregnancy.) But my water had broken, why didn't they just let me deliver? (Again, the issue for the c-section was a frank breech baby that could not safely be delivered vaginally.) Did I factor in my husband's feelings in this? (It's none of anyone's business how Jeff and I dealt with these issues, but we agreed together that we were blessed to live in a time when we had so many options and one that was medically safe and would be the greatest assurance that both Shelby and I would live through the birth.) But you haven't given birth. (Excuse me? An eight pound five ounce baby girl who grew in my womb for 38 weeks and 6 days exited my body, if you don't define that as giving birth, check your definitions and your swollen head.)

Now, because of the mere existence of VBAC in our times, almost everyone I have spoken to is miffed that I am not taking this option. Well, here's a reality check. Because I have a blood clotting disorder, my declotting agent has to be stopped 24 hours prior to giving birth, with a vbac or traditional vaginal delivery, this is impossible to predict. Since the onset of labor can start at any time, there is no way to guarantee this happening even with a scheduled c-section. However, the better controlled the birth process is, the best chance is that you will get to be awake and see the birth of your child if you are in this situation. I have also had previous surgery to my uterus (even before my c-section) that puts it at significant risk of rupture. Uterus rupture, hysterectomy follows. And in my family there is a history of vbacs resulting in emergency hysterectomies which in turn meant mothers couldn't see babies as soon as they would like and delays with things like bonding and breastfeeding. Not a road I would like to travel down.

Sure, there are lots of risks associated with c-sections, but for me there are a lot more risks with a vaginal delivery and I have more risks than the average woman on the street. I need to minimize what I can, there are no guarantees in life, but I am confident in my decision to deliver my son by c-section just as his sister was born.

I have heard any number of horror stories from women who were told, by others (some of whom were men, who I think have no place judging) that their decision to be induced, have an epidural, have a drug like staidol administered to take the edge of the pain, gave birth with an ob in a hospital instead of at home or in a birthing center with a mid-wife, chose the mid-wife home birth over the hospital, opted for hypno-birthing or even completely drug free births with long labors made their birthing experience inferior to another experience. Not to mention those of us who have had c-sections.

Here is a piece of advice from a pregnant woman who did experience her water breaking and real contractions and labor prior to her c-section to all those out there currently not pregnant or feeling like they need to promote their way of giving birth: if someone you know has decided to give birth in a way you don't agree with, either support her or back off. Sure, maybe you didn't feel any pain when did your Bradley method breathing or you were on top of the world because you got an epidural. That's you, this is her. She has many pressures associated with becoming a mother for the first or tenth time, and she is making decisions based on her feelings and her heart. You are entitled to your opinion, but you are not entitled to make her feel as if she is inferior because she has a difference in opinion. And remember, labor and birth are different for each woman and each infant. I will never forget my friend Ashley at work who was dreaming of an intervention free, drug-free delivery of her daughter only for the baby's heartrate to drop dangerously (try 67 beats) low and an emergency c-section performed. While Ashley and her husband were nervous about this change of events, it was her mother's reaction that sent her over the edge causing her to be put under. Her mother actually told her in the delivery room that she was disappointed in Ashley for failing to deliver this child naturally. Ashley became so upset physically that she had a panic attack and woke up a few hours later to be told her baby had made it and was healthy. She was still in tears from her mother's words and to this day feels as though she let her mother down. Extreme reaction from grandma? I've heard other stories like this one of husbands, boyfriends, grandparents, siblings, and an overzealous doula (doulas do great things for many women, but this one was not among them) saying similar things to a woman already crushed by not being able to fulfill her dream birth.

Before you offer your story as the supreme way of giving birth, remember the nurse anesthestist mentioned earlier and let this new mom know that hey, this worked for me, but the end goal is still the same and you know she is going to make the best decision for her and her baby.

And remember my mother's advice: When you can't say something nice, better to say nothing at all.

Boy, what a gift!

Image Courtesy of Tribune Media.

Yes, we are having a baby boy in September. I was surprised. But I would have been just as surprised if they had told me it was a girl. Jeff couldn't come with me to the ultrasound. I wasn't sure how to tell him at first. I should disclose here that we both thought we were having another girl (I guess when that's all you know...) and Jeff was looking forward to being out-numbered by "his girls." I know we both also had grandiose images in our minds of Shelby and her sister being best friends and doing everything together. As I was talking to the girl checking me out though, it hit me. Jeff has always said that if he had a boy, he would have to buy a boat. When I called him out in the parking lot, I told him I had good news: he could really start seriously shopping for a boat.

He was happy and that made me happy. I didn't realize I was tense until I I relaxed. Now, don't get me wrong, we were both happy to be having another child regardless, I just couldn't believe we actually knew something about this little person so definitive.

And...there was also the incident in the waiting area. While I was awaiting my ultrasound, another young woman was awaiting one as well. She was only about 19 or 20, unmarried, and probably just a little bit further along than I was. She brought with her her mother and two sisters in hopes they would be able to find out the sex of the baby. The four women were chatting loudly in the small area, so I inadvertantly found out that the baby's father was generally uninvolved and that he and this young woman wanted a girl (despite his lack of involvement, he still had preferences). They went back for their ultrasound and were back a short time later. The pregnant woman was crying. They didn't seem to be tears of joy. I worried for her baby. Then her mother came holding the pictures and showed them to a concerned nurse, saying , "it's a boy." The young woman was silently blowing her nose and cleaning her face. One of her sisters thanked her for allowing them to be a part of the ultrasound. Then her mother piped up again and said, "I don't care what he thinks, he is this little boy's father and he has a right to know. Maybe he'll leave for good, but who knows, I'm calling him." This grandmother made a difficult but correct decision to call the baby boy's father. I overheard her in her conversation say, "Anna (name changed to protect identity) is taking it pretty hard."

That floored me. She was so wrapped up in having a little girl and so sure that her baby's father would leave her if she didn't have one that she could not enjoy and was even upset by learning the news she was having a son. My son (although I wouldn't know that for a few more minutes) was in the middle of some kind of workout and I instinctively, protectively put my hand over him.

We were unsure if we would find out the sex of this baby for a few months before deciding that we would like to this time around. After seeing this exchange in the waiting room, I knew that for some women, it might really be necessary to know. The thought of this woman finding out the sex of her child in the delivery room made me shudder. Would she have rejected him outright? Would she not have been able to bond with him? Or would she have been so overwhelmed she would have forgotton all about wanting a baby girl this go round? And what about his father's reaction? At least now, she would be able to readjust her view of the future and chances of a positive delivery room outcome were possibly more.

A few weeks ago I saw this "Love is" comic and was immediately defensive because I have a daughter. But now I look at it and know that God's plan was for us to have Shelby first and this little guy now. Our son is further proof that "love is" in our lives forever.

In Reference to an Earlier Post

A few weeks ago I posted this.

This past week someone told me how courageous they thought I was to have a child with Down's Syndrome. My daughter doesn't have Down's Syndrome. She has a small nose, which is the only thing I and the cashier checking us out at the grocery store could figure would make this other shopper possibly think she might have the disorder. I was going to say thank you and leave it alone and let her believe Shelby had Down's but then I stopped to think, "that's not fair to all the mother's and father's out there caring for children with DS." I replied, "Thank you, my daughter doesn't have Down's Syndrome, but it wouldn't matter if she did, I wouldn't consider myself courageous, just her mother who loves her." I offered a smile and left it alone. The woman was obviously embarrassed, had no idea what to say and when another cashier opened another check-out line, she quickly joined it. The cashier waiting on me has known me quite some time as did the man bagging my groceries.

"Some people," the cashier said, shaking her head sadly.

"As if it matters if your baby has a disorder?" the bagger added, "I guess we just have to pray for people like that," he said.

I nodded, "She is probably just scared or uncertain of what to say when she meets people with disabilities and her insecurity causes her to see things sometimes that don't exist."

We all shared a smile and wished each other blessings on our days before Shelby and I left.

Two days later, Danielle posted this link of so many beautiful children and families affected by DS. I cried while watching it and thought of what a gift these children were to their families and so many others.

I said before that any child in our family would be a gift and blessing. But I see now that part of that gift and blessing are being able to accept that child freely into our lives.

On this Day After Divine Mercy Sunday

Lift all those affected by this tragedy up in prayer.

P: For the sake of His sorrowful passion
R: Have Mercy on Us and on the WHOLE WORLD

Room Sharing

Today Danielle is having a forum on room sharing among children at her site.

This topic is of some interest to me as when our second child will be born this September, after the first few months, he or she will need to share a room with our daughter who is only nine-months-old now. We live in an 1100 square foot home with three bedrooms. We have no idea how we are going to manage negotiating two cribs in any of our bedrooms, even our master. The small size of our bedrooms may necessitate us losing our "guest bedroom" which has only been in existence since our daughter's birth and we were able, with gifts from friends and family, to purchase a full size bed. We have no problem with allowing the kids to share but are open to the idea that they may require their own living space as they grow and if that is the best option and we can make it happen, we will. There are other ways, after all, to teach our children to share, get along, learn to live with difficult people, and be close without sharing a bedroom.

As to the issue of sharing, let it be known that children having their own rooms IS NOT a recent phenomenon. My mother-in-law, who is seventy-one years-old, has had her own bedroom all her life except for the years she was married to my father-in-law (less than 20). She was not an only child but a later in life baby in a family with only one other child (when I say later in life, her brother was fifteen years older than she was). In her case, sharing would have been a great benefit. When I was six months pregnant with my daughter, she visited us for what my husband had thought was going to be a day trip. She then decided to let us know after she had arrived that she had intended to stay the entire night and would appreciate it if we could give up our bed so she could sleep there (instead of the couch where our other guests slept at the time because we couldn't afford a guest bed). Not so bad you say, well, I could not fit on the couch and would have had to sleep at six months pregnant on our floor which is over a concrete slab. Now, before everyone starts with, but she's 71, my great grandmother who was in her late 80s and had had both hips replaced ALWAYS slept on the couch because it was comfortable and also because she refused to put someone else out of his or her bed. My mother-in-law also expects her guests to sleep on her floor, never offering her bed and has no guest room, using what would be her other bedroom as an extra television room. The point of this diatribe is that we shouldn't all jump to the conclusion that "kids today are so spoiled" because they have their own rooms, it's been happening for a while and is not necessarily as symptom of wealth either--my mother-in-law was born during the GREAT DEPRESSION and her family was as bad off as any and her father built her a room onto the house.

We all need to remember that living with other people and sharing are things that also should be being taught in many avenues not just because we are sharing a room. I had my own room growing up (I had three brothers who shared a room, my parents refused to mix sexes when it came to bedrooms) but still shared a bathroom with my brothers who destroyed many of my toiletries that I paid for myself when I was a teenager to "make potions" and just have fun (and I'm not just talking the little bit of make-up I was allowed but also feminine hygiene products and shampoo and face wash).

Just because a child has his or her own bedroom does not guarantee that he or she will not be close to his or siblings or will not learn to share or get along with people of other temperments or personalities. As parents, it is part of our vocation to know each of our children well enough (even in a large family) to understand how to best meet that child's needs, maybe it's not a bedroom but a more private area to hang out with friends as the original writer said, regardless we have to try our best to treat that child as the individual, wonderful, unique part of God's creation he or she is and not just a piece a of the larger whole that is the family. A healthy balance is what needs to be struck.

I'm all for siblings sharing bedrooms, if it is in the best interest of the family or in the case that allowing a child to have his or her own room is in no way feasible despite it being the best option for your family. The reason I am not posting a response of Danielle's site and putting it here is because of some of the other responses I have read there seem to reek of "this is the only way to raise your children and if your kids aren't sharing rooms YOU, reader are a bad parent, YOUR children are entitled brats, and YOU are not teaching them sharing or compromise." Even Danielle's originating post carries some of this sentiment. Many of the posters are like us and don't have another option, fine. A few express a balance approach. Those comments that are judgmental do get under my skin, though, if for no other reason than God did not intend us to judge one another, but to help one another. Share your ideas fine, but don't say that others are wrong, especially if you have never walked in their shoes.

Traditional Latin Catholic Mass

The quality of the film is grainy but sound is good and this is really beautiful. Takes about an hour, but is narrated by Fulton Sheen and well worth it!

Kind of Figuring Things Out

Well either Shelby or the new baby has a new/old dresser. Since we painted it purple, if the baby is a boy, the dresser will be Shelby's. Not that I have a problem putting a baby boy's clothes in a purple dresser, but I guess he might not like it when he is older possibly. But that might all be moot if the baby is a girl. In three more weeks we may know if we are having a boy or girl. Which will simplify a few things greatly. Jeff is not sure if he can come to the ultrasound but if he can't he wants me to find out the sex and not tell him. I was like, sha-as if! We have a lot left to figure out as you can see.

A Christmas Story - Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Pin!

As some of my friends at work are experiencing disappointment about recent promotions that have not gone through, I thought here was a genuine disappointment. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all look back and laugh at our disappointments the way we laugh at Ralphie's?

As of this Friday

my parents will no longer own the house I grew up in. We moved there in 1983 when I was barely four. Now my parents are grandparents with 2, almost 3 children graduated from college and they are looking for another home. If everything goes as planned they will close on a new house at the end of April.

Despite memories, I have had no sad feelings about the sale of this house and another family moving in. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I've lived away from that house for almost ten years now. Or maybe, like in the real estate commercials, I know you can take your memories with you.

I haven't been to see the house my parents hope to purchase (only pictures) and it was just this last weekend that I realized that I have no idea about where they are going to live. I was thinking about going to Raleigh at some point to visit (no specific dates were in my head Mom, I was just tossing around some ideas!) when I realized that I would have to learn a whole new way to get to where they will be living. That I will be traveling to a place that has no familiar landmarks. That I could conceivably never enter the city of Raleigh again. After all, there would be no reason to go to the Food Lion on Leesville Road if my parents don't live around the corner, we would go to another grocery store. And in ten years, I would have no recognition of the area I once considered home. I'm not sad, but it is very surreal. VERY surreal.

Remembering Again

Today I was thinking of my late friend MaryEllen. I had very much wanted to bring Shelby to Raleigh to meet her, but as her cancer was advancing last fall, it could not be set up. And so now, I know MaryEllen is looking down on us. I can hear her saying, "Stop worrying about me, I'm home! What are you feeding the baby? What are you feeding yourself for the the new baby? What exercises are you doing? Are you enjoying your pregnancy this time?"

While I was miserably ill during my pregnancy with Shelby, I have been relatively illness free with this baby. Shelby's Godfather, a priest, told me while I was pregnant that I could specifically offer up my morning sickness for those suffering from cancer and the side-effects of chemotherapy and radiation. I look back on that now and hope that my suffering might have eased MaryEllen's and so many men, women and children who had no relief from their illness. How strange it is now that I have no illness but no MaryEllen. I would sacrifice feeling well to have my friend back.

I know that it is not an accident that I am thinking of MaryEllen now. Last week, Elizabeth Edwards announced that her cancer had returned and is not curable but is "manageable." My heart aches as I think of her daughter Kate who lost her older brother in an accident and now could lose her mother before she gets married or has children of her own. And for her little ones Emma Claire and Jack who are watching their mother so bravely fight to see each of their milestones. I think of her husband John whom I know she urged to continue on his quest toward the presidency. Regardless of politics, my heart goes out to him. No matter what people say, I know it could not have been an easy decision. I have seen many interviews with John and Elizabeth Edwards and know they are a woman couple took the same vows that I and so many of us did, "for better or for worse; in sickness and in health." How we all hope and expect we will only have to live through better and health. And some of us will be challenged through for worse and in sickness. When I hear people like my own husband say how selfish he is and how selfish she is, I feel almost a rage thinking, "you have no idea what it is like to lose a child or face this illness. How dare you judge them for the choices they made together." John and Elizabeth Edwards launched his campaign for the US Senate in just the couple of years after losing their son Wade. And they are continuing John's campaign for president after learning of the return of Elizabeth's cancer.

I'll be honest, I won't be voting for John Edwards, at least, not at this point. But I am a compassionate human being. And it is now that I am experiencing exhaustion from being pregnant and having a child under one year that I am offering up that relative pain for all those suffering from cancer, both curable, treatable and not so. Elizabeth Edwards' announcement reminded me of the friend I lost so recently and how bravely she fought. It reminds me of how MaryEllen's fight was occasionally bookmarked by trips to Disney and the beach with her daughter Kayli. How adventures to the playground were wonderful removals from the daily regimen of pills and doctor visits. We all experience pain and suffering differently, MaryEllen wanted all her friends and family to largely continue living their lives. While we all prayed and worried and many of us visited, MaryEllen loved hearing of the mundane facts of our lives. Elizabeth Edwards standing by her husband as the announcement of her cancer was made and his continuing goal of the White House was pursued, urging her husband to continue reminded me of MaryEllen. The woman who stood beside you regardless of what she was suffering.

With St Patrick's Day Coming I Couldn't Resist

My Irish Name:

Your Irish Name Is...

Orla Kavanagh

What's your Irish Name?

Jeff's Irish Name:

Your Irish Name Is...

Cadhla Gallagher

What's your Irish Name?

and Shelby's Irish Name:

Your Irish Name Is...

Alannah O'Kelly

What's your Irish Name?

No fair, I like Shelby's best!

Moving Toward a Milestone

When I was pregnant with Shelby, I anxiously awaited my 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage had taught me this was a milestone. A major one. I was no less apprehensive after 12 weeks and I approached each visit with my ob and ultrasound with some degree of trepidation. This pregnancy has little exception. I go for a 12 week check up this week. I have had no unusual symptoms and am sure everything will be fine. But I still have nerves. We plan on bringing Shelby so she can hear the baby's heartbeat. Not that she'll understand what she is hearing, but it will help us to make her feel involved.

With this pregnancy, with Shelby already here, I am very tired as to be expected and find myself with little time for all the worries I cultivated with Shelby.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the maternal fetal specialist for an ultrasound and counseling. Everything went fine. Of course, I had to sign about 30 forms declining all genetic testing on myself, Jeff and the baby and sign that I was fully aware of what I was declining. We declined this testing with Shelby as well. We read the literature. We consulted friends and family and we prayed. The answer was obvious, any child would be a gift. All we could hope for was to be the best family for the child we were given. We are not wearing rose colored glasses and we are aware this baby might have any number of challenges. But it is in accepting what God has given that we are challenged ourselves to use the gifts we have received.

Love is...

Four years ago today, this momentous occasion happened.

"God Will Not Test You..."

"God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

I was reminded of this on Friday as I had (like Alexander in the book) a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. It started early with weather that was less than desirable. I had to leave early to ensure I wasn't snarled in any weather related accidents. The wind pushed my little car as I crossed the river on the big draw bridge. I said a prayer for the teenagers killed in Alabama the day before, knowing they never stood a chance.

I got to work and the day started pretty much like any other. Plenty of grumpy customers who feel like their cell phone woes are worse than anything anyone else in the world is going through. At 8, I went on break. I went downstairs to get a chicken biscuit, but they were all out, so I settled on a blueberry muffin. As I went back upstairs, the power went off in the building. We have a back-up generator, so I was none too worried.

I got back up stairs to find that only one side of the building had power restored by the generator. The side I don't sit on. So, our whole team was told to move as few of our things as we could get by with to the empty desks on the other side of the floor. That's great and all, but what happens when the people those desks belong to come in? As soon as we were settled, power returned to our side. So, it was on the move again. I was scheduled for an online training, which I was stuck on a call and missed. I was rescheduled, logged in late, and then could not access the training. On top of all this, the computer at my desk, had power, but would not log on. So, I moved to a co-workers seat across from mine who was taking a few days vacation as his family was visiting from Jersey.

One after another, my customers screamed, raged and were grossly insenstive about their cell phone issues. I patiently explained solutions to various problems all the while praying for more patience as it was already wearing thin. The day was rough for others too. My supervisor said "Thank you God for comp time!" and took off a few hours early.

I made it through the rest of my day, leaving at 2:30 to go get Shelby at daycare. As I meandered through traffic to get to daycare listening to classical music, it hit me. I wasn't bitter or crying or upset. My pregnancy hormones were in check the whole day. I wasn't being hunted down like an animal in Darfur, I'm not dodging bullets in Iraq, I'm not hungry or thirsty or imprisoned. Without thinking of it, I had been offering up my problems of the day. After all, many of the ill people I had spoken to had bigger problems in their lives that were only being expressed through their interaction with me. I could leave their problems at work at the end of my day and go hold my beautiful baby girl. As for those suffering in the world at large, I could close the newspaper or change the channel. Something I know they wish they could do. At a red light I quietly said a prayer for those suffering, in pain, dying, experiencing war, or hunger, or imprisonment.

"Lord, I know my load is light in comparison to so many in the world, but I offer this light load so that someone else may feel the relief that comes from your love and presence in his or her life."

Hahaha

Sometimes you just have to be reminded of simple things to smile or laugh. This little guy is certainly proof that God is good.

In Case, Just In Case, You Haven't Heard

Yes, I have been busy lately. So I am sorry my posts have been sporadic at best. But we do have some exciting news at our house. Baby Herrett # 2 will be here sometime around September 26, 2007. Unlike the Balducci family, this time we will be finding out the sex of this baby. We loved not knowing with Shelby, but we have a few logistical kinks with our house we have to figure out before the baby gets here. The consensus is we are getting another girl, but we'll find out in a few more weeks. I am almost eleven weeks now. Not showing, but feeling this pregnancy.

For those familiar with my pregnancy with Shelby, here is a run down of what's the same and what's changed:
1) Morning Sickness: not the same wretching I had with Shelby just mild nausea.
2) Food: I had major food aversions with Shelby, this baby is hungry ALL THE TIME!!!
3) Headaches: thus far, I have been spared with this pregnancy.
4) Heprin shots: they're baaaaaaacckkkk!!!!!!!!
5) Gestational Diabetes: although it's questionable if I ever had it the first time, I was advised to go on the diet. I do this more or less successfully. Lots of fruit in the diet now.
6) Fatigue: unbearable with an eight-month-old to chase down.

I consider myself lucky to be doing as well as I am for still nursing an eight-month-old. Amazingly, my milk has actually increased a little. We are busy, busy teaching Shelby to crawl, keeping the dogs in line and prepping for this little one.

So, if I don't get back to you right away or post, you're not far from my thoughts!

New York Subway Hero (CBSNews)

This story happened about a month ago. On Ash Wednesday it is helpful to remember that Jesus gave His life for us and sometimes real sacrifice is what He asks from his children. Imagine if we all loved our family and friends as if they were a part of Christ. Now imagine we rememeber that all men and women are our brothers and sisters and part of Christ. Perhaps we would be as unselfish as Wesley Autry.

Valentine

So everyone's new favorite thing to ask at work is what are you getting for Valentine's Day?

Jeff and I haven't really done Valentine's Day in a few years, so I never even think of it. Problem is, most people don't understand that. So, this year, I said, "We have a baby, that's what we got for each other for Valentine's Day."

People look at me like, "Yeah, right."

But, it's true.

So, I was really tickled to find this Anti-Valentine's List. Come on, you can't really say you don't agree with most of these!

And for all those who are not just "in love" but truly love each other. Remember, Valentine's Day is every day that you smile at one another and appreciate all that you have.

Hard to Believe

More Pix of the Shellster

Slide Show

Let Them Know You Never Forget

Please offer your prayers for all the unborn and their families. Please remember them in your prayers not just today but always.

We can never forget those whom we lost, but through our prayers they will live on forever in our memories.

In Just Two Weeks!

Photo courtesy of NFL.com and the official website of the Indianapolis Colts.

Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy are going to the Super Bowl! It didn't look good last night when I fell asleep, so this was pleasant news when I awoke this morning.

AND...

They will be playing the terror of the midwest Chicago Bears.

This will be an exciting Super Bowl.

No Rest for the Weary

Today I was going to rest. Today my naps were not going to be interrupted by barking dogs or ringing phones or anything else. Today I wouldn't have to get dressed.

And then the mail came. And in it were insurance forms for my doctor's office which I needed to get to them ASAP. So, I was out of bed, showering, dressing and driving into town. Now, as I was making my way over the bridge, I noticed that traffic was awfully slow in the other direction. The doctor's office is about 2 blocks from daycare. So, I took a deep breath and decided that despite still not feeling well, since I was in town and in the neighborhood and Jeff would have to battle the traffic going back across the bridge during rush hour, that I would go ahead and pick the baby up.

Whew! I'm exhausted again now that I typed all that!

It's So Cold

It's so cold outside that I find myself wanting to doze off to Christmas movies! Like A Christmas Story. Now, if only someone would buy me a red-ryder bb gun with a compass and a stock and this thing which tells time.

From a Not So Sick Time

This was us a few months ago. I like looking at pictures from before my current illness. It helps me remember that I won't always be this tired and this zapped for energy.

How Can

a six-month get up at 2 am (she had been down for ten hours) and still be up at 6:45 when her father took her to daycare? And wide awake and full of energy? Miss Diane is sure for a quiet day at daycare today!

Lousy

That's how mono feels in a word. Lousy because I feel like I'm not able to take as good care of my daughter. Lousy because a walk to the mailbox exhausts me. Lousy because I have no appetite and can barely taste or smell food.

But good that I have a little free time to do some painless weight lifting, like a few extra rosaries!

Sick and Very Tired

I was diagnosed with mono yesterday. I am out of work for at least two weeks, maybe more depending on what my doctor thinks. So, my limited postings may be even more limited as my energy is small and my child's needs are large. Amazingly, she is very responsive to my not feeling well, which is reassuring to me. I feel as if God is blessing her with compassion which is allowing her to soothe herself to sleep with less than five minutes of crying at night, among other things. Please pray that I will be healed soon and be able to return to my normal level of activity in all areas of life.

Important News from Our House

Jeff, who once boasted to have read no more than 5 books in his life by choice, will have to read 75 books this semester. And he wants to do it!
So, we are now making a list of children's books for his class. Guess this means Kristen will be reading or re-reading 75 books this semester too.....

One of my favorite

actresses past away. Remember the name Yvonne de Carlo? Probably not but you would remember her face and most famous character. I loved how she reinvented herself to enjoy a long career. And I loved her most famous characters natural mothering under unnatural circumstances.

Missing

My great-grandpa died on Thursday morning. He was 95-years-old, so this wasn't completely unexpected. I do have the consolation that he is no longer missing my great-grandma who died the fall of 1999.

Rest In Peace Grandpa Ben...we'll see you again someday!

Shelby's First "Pet"

adopt your own virtual pet!

Jones Soda... Anyone

You Are Pecan Pie Soda

Sweet, but totally nuts

What Jones Holiday Soda Are You?