Letting Go

Have you ever ended a relationship of any kind, thought you were done with the emotional baggage, only to have a person turn back up in your life saying they were wrong and want to start over? Only problem is you have already started over?

A co-worker of mine came to me with this dilemma last week. Her husband left and filed for divorce when her son was only six-months-old. So, she moved on, moved to NC and now her son is five. She hasn't been in a romantic relationship since (too busy being a single mom) but has made a good new life for herself. She has a good job, no car payment, and lots of new friends. Last week, the ex-husband called. She hadn't heard from him in over 2 years and stopped receiving her child support before that (she didn't feel it was worth the time to fight). And now he wants back in. He wants to be a dad to his son,which I commend, and wants to give their relationship another chance (after five years) but wants them to pick up and move back home. And my friend, doesn't want to do that. Her son has lots of friends and is well adjusted. She made her move to NC when he was close to two and it was traumatic for him. She made it clear she wants no further romantic relationship between the two of them, but she feels like her son would benefit from having a dad.

I had no advice for her. I've never been in her situation. The closest would be friends I had whose lives suddenly took a turn onto a road I didn't care to venture on, so I quietly ended the friendship. The few who decided that road wasn't for them, I cautiously welcomed back into my life, but our friendship would never be as strong as it once was. I believe in forgiveness, but forgetting is not always an option.

When you've come to the foregone conclusion that letting go is the best thing to do, it rattles your world when the other party wants a fresh start. And how do you make a fresh start because the history cannot be erased, it has always been there. And to be honest, there were a few friends, I didn't welcome back. I explained that our lives had changed in the time apart and that was for the best and now it was time we enjoyed our new lives, separately. But to have the emotional attachment of a child and have that child's feelings involved is something else altogether.

So, S, I'm sorry, as a good friend, I will have to say, I can't help you on this one with advice, but I will pray for your heart to be guided. And hopefully there will be a meeting of the minds that will be best for everyone.